I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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