It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
