we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
