$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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