I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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