i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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