They should really pass out barf bags in church
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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