That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
