Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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