A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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