he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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