Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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