Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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