I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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