Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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