my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
