I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
