he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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