I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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