The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
