We named our party play list daddy issues
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
