Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
