i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
