She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
