How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
