if only i could text you this smell
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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