He uses pillows to masturbate.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
