True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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