I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
