so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
