Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
