Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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