there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
