I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
