She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
