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the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
