spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
