There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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