just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize