I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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