We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
