Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
