The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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