i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
