You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
