it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
