we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
