How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
