let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
