Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
