He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
