if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
