I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
