Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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