Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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