# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
