how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
