so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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