but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
