You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
