My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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