Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
