so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
