i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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