I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
