So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
