She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
