john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
