she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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