At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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